when i was six years old i came home from school crying one day because someone wrote a three letter word on my school bag. i'm sure that all of my readers can guess what that three letter word was. it caused me, what my mum said was 'a great emotional turmoil' and i spent days refusing to go to school.
funny thing is, i dont remember any of this. i only found out about it when my mum and her friend were talking about bullying that happens in my primary school. my mum knows who it was but she won't tell me who. she said i dont need to be reminded of things that i forget. but the thing is, those people who called me fat and slabbered about me for being ginger. for wearing glasses. for being fat. for being ugly. they're the people who have shaped who i am today. my ginger hair is now a brown colour and i regret dying my hair so much. i can't see very well without my glasses and i know that unless i start wearing them, my sight will deteriorate. i know i'm fat. i'm actually huge, and sometimes i can't help but think if i hadn't of felt the need to comfort eat as a child would i be this fat? and i know i shouldn't but i cover my face in make up. even when i go to the gym i have a full face of make up on. it's such a joke.
every day my insecurities are getting worse. its as if every time i get more insecure a small brown dot covers me, i'm almost coloured in brown. my whole life i've been insecure. but i have a question and i want to know your view on this:
do you think that what happens to us as a child can determine what we'll be like when we're older. even if we can't remember?
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