Stressed and a mess

Appologies for not posting as often as I should, I have good reasons!

I'm so stressed. . I've had shocking headaches recently and felt so shit about myself I've barely had any social interaction with people. . A boy I'm textin offered me £10 to suck his dick. . ugh don't think so!

Headaches. . They resulted in several trips to the doctor, last of which was today. . They put me on beta blockers. . Not for heart conditions or that but for my headaches and stress. . Just hate that I'm on them :(

i'm so sick and tired of the way that the world works

i should be thinking my life is going so shit at the moment. 

• one of my best friends called me fat to my face infront of all the rest of our friends. i'm sorry if i'm not seven stone with the ability to eat a 7 take aways a week without gaining any weight. i'm sorry if the fact you think my minimal amount of eating only emphasises how fat i really am. i'm sorry i'm not good enough.
• i've been having real bad headaches for the past two/three weeks and all i want to do is sleep aswell as zoning out and going all weird when my head isn't sore. my mum watches everything i eat to make sure it's substantial. she makes sure i'm not excericising in excess. i've been to the doctors three times in the past fortnight and i've to go again on tuesday. it's really starting to worry me. :/
• due to above problem, i'm really behind on my school work. i have repeats in january, i have A2 in may. i have so much notes to catch up on because i keep missing class or when i'm in class i keep zoning out and feeling all funny.
• i had my driving test today. i fucked it up. reverse parking is a bitch. derek go fuck yourself you shitty driving practical examiner you smell like headlice lotion.

but for some weird reason, i dont give a fuck. i'm juss counting the days to i leave this shit hole and can be on my own.

Friend? HA!

It's shit when you find out what your friends think about you. . It's even shitter when your drunk because the words replay over and over again. . Ugh. . Sometimes I wish everyone had no friends. . Then you wydnt have anyone to let yoh down or upset you. .

All you ana girls, your my life!'

read all about it ♥

i wanna sing, i wanna shout, i wanna scream till the words dry out. so put it in all of the papers, i'm not afraid. they can read all about it, read all about it.

i've juss got a thinspo tumblr:
http://erinn-proana.tumblr.com/

i have a regular one. . if you want to follow me on my regular one, link me to yours and i'll follow you :)

she's better known for the thinngs that she does on the mattress

my school is full of so many sluts and tramps it's unreal. . but does it make me a bad person that i wish i was one of them?

i want to sleep around. i want lots of guys to tell me stuff like im pretty or fit, just so they can get in my pants. i want to be able to join in in conversations that my friends have about sex. i want to be the girl in the club that makes out with loads of guys in one night. i want to give guys the blow jobs i offer when i'm drunk. i want lots of guys to text me, telling me things i want to hear. i want to play lots of guys, pretend i'm interested when all i want is a fuck.

the only thing is. . i'm scared i'm becoming the person i've always detested. . why do i want to be a skank?

zumba

considering buying the zumba game for wii. . any good?

happy 100th post!

ironic because i'm not acc happy atm.

i can't remember the last time i was happy. . andd juss when i think things are starting to get back on track BAM something happens. . monday morning until this evening i was at my dads, like 2hrs away from where i live, i was so glad to be gettin a few days a way with no drama. . i came home and now B and S aren't speaking to me because N invited me to her hosue and didn't mention it to them. . i don't understand what i did wrong? like B and N have issues with each other so i can understand why N never said to ehr. . i'm to fed up with immature bullshit like this! i've got more important things to worry about!

secondly, me and my dad fell out a few months ago. . now we're speaking again. . he announced to me on wednesday that his girlfriend is 13 weeks pregnant. . at a time when i feel like everyone is replacing me, this really wasn't something i wanted to hear. . dont get me wrong. . i'm sososososo  happy for them! my dad's girlfriend (would it be appropriate to call her my step mum? prolly!) told her mum and dad on wednesday and they were so happy they started crying! but the only thing i cud think was i hope my dad doesnt treat this baby the way he treat me and my brother. . i hope he doesnt treat my step mum the way he treated my mum. . then i started thinking and something started telling me the only reason they were having a baby was to replace me. . and i've been getting sososo paranoid now. . i kno this is stupid . . but being replaced and forgotten is my biggest fear and thats what it feels like everyone's doing atm!

thirdly, everytime i get sad i think about my granny. . its so hard not too. . i dont even kno why! i really wish i cud only associate my granny with happy things but i keep thinking of her when im sad to. . well on the way home my dad decided to stop in at his parents house. . but i had to phone my granny to tell her we'd be there shortly. . and she juss went 'ok bye' and hung up. . that was the only words she spoke to me! i was so annoyed. . and i got thinking about the difference between my two granny's. . and for a split second. . i began to think that God took the wrong granny that. . that's such a horrible thought and i'm acc so ashamed for thinkng it!

i was also talking to my old best friend, D. . and she said, you've always been the strongest person i've known. . i'm so proud to call you my friend. .

i didn't have the heart to tell her i'm crumbling

you think that you kno me

it's funny how the people who know you least acctualy kno more about you than the people who kno you most.

i realised this on saturday night. N had a big crazy house party and me and her had a big drunken heart to heart with lots of tears. her brothers girlfriend was there for half of it. . but after the first five minutes of her sitting there she turned to me, wiped my tears and said 'erin, you are so broken. but one day, you wont be.' it really hit home the fact that no one really knos me truely. which made me feel sososososo lonely.

ugh