I'm a majaaaa fuck up LAWWWL

to becca; thank you for the comment. . It cheered me up slightly, knowing other people had been in my situation last year!

In recent news. . 18/8 I got my as results. . Did shit. 23/8 had my driving theory test. . Tho fucked up me Thought going out and drinking cider at an abandoned bus stop wud have been a better idea. . Needless to saycmy mum went crazy when I came home stocious. . We argued. . I don't know what I said but I know I have a deep feeling of regret (i remember drunk feelings) and then I did my theory and failed it. . But 1 Mark. . So now I'm grounded for 6 weeks. . No phone, iPod or laptop. . Tho Ima sneak and got my iPod back til tonoroo. . But yea if I don't post I haven't forgotten about you lovelies,I juss haven't had a chance to get online!

Oh and I'm barely eating. . Spendin so much rime in the house and she's bound to notice eventually. . Fucccccckkkk

FUCKMYLIFE

i got my results for my AS exams on thursday. . i've been wallowing in self pitty because i didn't get what i wanted. i didn't work hard enough. . i've already been entered for the january repeats. . here's hoping i do better then. . i need BBB to get into Glasgow to do Religious Studies. . so i need to improve drastically!

the failure in my exams has led to failure with ana. . i've had such a bad week and one of my really good friends has said 'i hate seeing depresed and suicidal erin'.... sorry hunnay. . that's the way i always am. . it's juss harder to hide it at the moment. 

waaaaaaaaaah

tomoro's the day. i spent months preparing for. my AS results. albeit, i prepared for ages for it. . but only properly worked my arse off three weeks prior to the exams. . i need nto get good grades to get back into U6. .

here's hoping (yn)

ps. i'm so scared! and filled with nerves. . though the only good thing about these nerves is that i've lost my appetite adn finding it difficult to eat. . WAHEY!

after all this has passed, i still will remain

no one like me any more. not my friends, some of them seem to leave me out of whatever plans theyve made, others juss start arguements over nothing. my mum doesn't like me anymore, i can't seem to do anything right to make her happy. and the guy i was starting to fall for has juss started ignoring me.

yay for being lonely!

but seriously, being alone has magnified ana's voice. . i hear her louder than before 'they wouldn't have a problem with you if you were thinner.'

fuck, my head's in overdrive. ahhh

bleh.

as i've mentioned countless times before i just dont have a gag reflex anymore. . i used to binge and purge so much that my teeth became mess and yea. . i dont like talking about it. . but you get the picture. .

but last night i binged massively. . then i found myself crouched over my toilet. . and i managed to purge. . for the first time in years. .

the worst bit about this? i felt proud.

pro ana & thinspo

i'm going to come out and say it. i'm addicted to pro ana sites. i'm adicted to looking at thinspo. i'm addicted to hunger pangs.

i remember how i stumbled acros pro ana. they were on a blog i followed, the girl was talking about how she thought they were disgusting and should be banned. so i looked at it just to see what it was. i became obsessed. i couldn't even go a day without looking at it. but recently i've noticed how easily accessed pro ana thinspo n'all is. it scares me how people can get onto these websites. i know that ana has become a major part of who i am now, but i wouldn't wish it on anyone. i wouldn't want anyone to experience what i am.

such a messed up world that we live in.