nothing i say can change anything

Two more new followers. :)

ashley: you had previously followed one of my blogs, and i followed you. but i went through a really low point and didn't blog or anything and once i snapped out of it, i deleted my blog and decided to start a new one afresh andd i deleted my blog and everyone i followed. but i couldn't remember which blog was yours but i'm so glad you found this because i can continue reading yours. :) btw, i've no idea how to reply to comments.

'you've changed.'

obvz.

'what are you talking about'

'you're quieter now. you're always cold.' 'she always complains she's got headaches too' 'She gets angry a lot of the time to. everything about her revolves around anger and emotions.' 'she never used to be like that.'

anger? emotions? wrong. food.

'you do realise i'm still sitting here?'

'yea i know.' 'we're just worried about you.'

'there's nothing to be worried about.' uneasy laugh. fake smile. 'i'm fine. 100% fine.'

'are you sure?' 'you're not fine'

hearts beating rapidly in my chest. what are they getting at?

'are you doing drugs or something?'

LOL. if only it were that simple.

'no...'

'it's just we never see you anymore and you've started hangin round with dodgy ones.' 

'wise up..'

'why aren't you eating anything?'

'Can't be bothered. i'm too tired to eat anything. and besides i have no money.'

'i own a chipshop. ill give you what ever you want.'

urmmm. FMLFMLFML

'eat.'

that was a conversation i had with two of my friends today at lunch. the whole time, my heart was in my mouth. they practically force fed me. i could have died. i haven't ate that much in ages. my stomach felt like it was about to rip open. when i got home after school i cried. about an hour later, i was still curled up on the sofa crying. i walked to the kitchen and opened the cupboard. i reached for the biscuit tin. biscuit after biscuit i munched until i was halfway through the packet when i reached for the nutella jar. i flung the drawer open and grabbed a spoon. then i realised what i was doing and i cried more. 

i hate that my friends care about me. i dont deserve them. argghh.

-xe