Friends are for people who aren't strong enough to do it alone.
Friends abandon you when you need the most.
Friends lie.
Friends shouldn't exist.
Friends steal.
Friends make you feel crap about yourself.
Friends are wankers.

They don't need me and I sure as fuck don't need them!

Side note: my iPod corrects wankers to ramjets. I wishwishwish I had an iPhone.